"I Want To Explore On My Own''

I usually talk when I'm fully aware of the topic discussed yet I find that I'm always voicing out an opinion one way or the other. I don't know if others find this irritating though I honestly think it's better than having no say in things at all. What's worse than being quiet is talking complete and utter nonsense. Why word out others' thoughts claiming to be your own? I might quote and refer to some public figures if I happened to have read about any.

That leads me to my next point which is reading about various things. What brought this up is a certain saying that mentions something along the lines that "I'd rather not read to explore on my own" and that sort of stopped me in my tracks for a while: reading gets you in the mind of other people; They write out an organized document of their opinions and by reading that, are you allowed to ponder more? Or do you just agree with all that's there thanks to the convincing evidence laid out in front of you?

Same thing with fictional writings and this deal with your imaginative side. Does reading about new worlds stop your creativity at some point? Does it leave a room for you to imagine when new cool universes are already created and crafted beautifully for you?

Coming from an avid reader, I'm expected to mention the numerous benefits of reading yet I can't help but fall trap in the other contradicting side as well. Reading does harm you only if you’re totally dependent on getting to know other’s views without having any of your own. The trick is to read, analyze, weigh your opinions, try to contradict and support your reasons with logical thinking. If a text could get you to think, then it already did its purpose and it’s left for you to muse over the thought, consider it more thoroughly to come up with your own opinion, leaving aside the author’s.

So are you the type that prefers to keep quiet and listen without having a say in certain conversations? Or are you the one who reads, depending on others’ thoughts or rather choosing to think things through in order to have a clearer view on your point?

Published today, 4th of May on Oman Observer

180 Degrees

As you've already noticed, my latest post wasn't one of the typical posts I'm used to publish here and that's partly because I wasn't sure of MY own take on things. I didnt dare or have the guts to write down what I'm going through, afraid of admitting it more to myself than to anyone else. Clearly, I bursted my own bubble when I wrote the previous post and had the courage to write many others which will be published in the upcoming days. 

That's when the 'personal' factor set in. I thought of changing my blog's settings to "private" then decided against it. I don't want to select a few of you to read MY crazy mind thus I give YOU that option of whether you'd want to read more into my personal thoughts and issues. Maybe you could help me. Maybe you'd find that we share the same kind of perspectives or even misconception of things. 

I wouldn't consider it as disclosing my personal problems to the public because I know we all have ones so why would anyone care about reading mine? On the contrary, it'd be more of a journey through life's tough challenges which I'll speak about freely, adding personal experiences and opinionated takes on certain aspects.

Reason why I'm doing this is because I'm straight out honest in my conversations with others in real life, I'm not afraid to tell you what I really think of you in front your face and I ought to do the same here. I hated the fact that I kept speaking in most of my posts in a general, formal manner. I have my column for that. But this, I decided, is my space. I can rant and rave all I want without feeling the slightest bit of guilt for boring my readers because you know, you can click the "x" button whenever you want. 

Also, I'll work on changing the blog's theme, description and most importantly, the title. I don't hallucinate, I speak of real and logical topics. 

So fasten your seat-belts, or rather let go of them if you don't feel comfortable enough to go on about reading my blog and let the journey begin.. 

Unusual Confession

Disclaimer: This is not your every-day post to read written by the girl-next-door, Kitten. Be prepared.

What's worse than knowing you're guilty is when you are not doing anything about it. I want to change myself but I'm not working hard at it. Why? I simply don't know and it frustrates me so much. I want to be different. I want to alter my behaviors. I want to fix my routine. Yet, after admitting all that, I am not changing anything. I know I should but I think I'm afraid to start.

Maybe because I'm not used to it but time will take care of that. Maybe I need to be guilty enough to feel the great mess I'm putting myself into although I've experienced it many times before so why haven't I learned anything? Again, saying this means I have understood yet why am I not willing to change my ways now it self, before it's too late? What am I waiting for? More failures to come my way than they already are? If that's what it takes then I've been there many times before yet ( and I'd overuse this word if I had to) yet... I am still standing here, doing nothing.

Should I feel ashamed? I am. Guilty? I am. Penitent? I am. What else does it take to move me? To open up my eyes to what I have done or have been doing till now? What does it take to realise what my wrongdoings have resulted to? I said I'd change. I said I'd not go through the same path as before but that is where I keep going everytime I promise myself not to. I'm sick of my never-ending promises. I'm sick of my guilt. I'm sick of not trying hard enough. Heck, I'm even sick of myself.

I'd take great lengths and pains to do this. I WILL change this time, not by mere spoken or written words but by real, solid ACTIONs. Take notes, world, I don't give a damn if I mistook in the past or the present. But I sure do care a great deal of not committing the same mistakes in the future. MY future.

Missing My Best Friend

I have lost touch with my best friend. He used listen to me, be there whenever I needed him. He used to offer me his shoulder to cry on and I appreciated his forever-lasting silence. He could not speak but the state of mind he put me in did not need any spoken words.

Whenever depression clung its claws on me, I would sink into total darkness, a blackout, whose light of hope was him. He would take me out with such grace as if I did not go through what I did before his arrival, just like my own knight in his shining armor. No matter how far I have distanced myself from him, he would welcome me back, arms wide open, reassuring me that I belong right there, with him. He would stay with me all night long, listening to everything I had to say. Regardless of my many imperfections, he stuck with me throughout, reminding me of my perfections.

When everyone used to turn their backs on me, he was the one I would immediately head towards. Even though it was almost impossible to let my heart out at first, he never failed to make me feel at total ease.

Again, he remained silent: something I have always adored about him. Sometimes, the best conversation is that of pin drop silence. I used to do all the talking and it did not bother him one bit.

Often, I can not help but think that I am getting good at chatting with him. I even believe it's a special talent of mine. With him around, I discover my hidden thoughts, what I would not dare to utter out loud to anyone. I know he would not answer most of my questions but I never gave up trying for he gives me hope and teaches me patience.

Here's a promise from me: I shall get back to my pen, my best friend without whom my life would be meaningless.

Dr. Mohammed AlAwadhi in Oman

Dr. Mohammed AlAwadhi's lecture had the title of "تقديرًا لِذَاتي، أعْلَنْتُ إحْترامِي" was held last night at the open amphitheatre in SQU.

The theme is one of the many campaign themes started by Rekaaz, an organisation aimed at spreading human values. The lecture was a very light one, started by a nasheed presented by a group of guys. Then later 2 promising Omani munsheeden from AlRayan recording sang a beautiful nasheed. The opening was later followed by short video clippings about the organisation that is based in Kuwait and it's branch here, ROV ( Rekaz Omani Volunteers). Dr. Mohammed AlAwadhi has a unique style of delivering his message through retelling many stories to prove his point. There was no 'respect' is this or that, but it was hinted in his various stories to capture our attention. Like the majority, I really benefited a lot from the evening and would have preferred it if the duration was a little longer for he truly captivated us into listening to his encouraging and informative words. He spoke about how self-respect begins from within in order to be respected. When you value yourself and potentials, you then declare your respect and hence people will treat you the same.

P.S: I reviewed two of their previous campaign's (حلو نعيش بمسؤولية) short stories: حسن والمانجو and عشت معها

A Letter From A Mother of a Shaheed

I just received this letter from someone whose identity won't be revealed here or anywhere else. It's a heartbreaking letter written by a mother of a Libyan shaheed.. I could not stop myself from sharing her voice in order to be heard so here goes: (this is entirely her own words without any modifications from my part)

صرخة أم شهيد

أنا أم جزائرية ثكلى، استشهد ابني على يد القناصين من قوات الكتائب الليبية التي تم تزويدها من عندكم بالبنزين والامدادات والذخيرة.

إنني أوجه صرختي إلى الشعب الجزائري الذى كنت يوما افتخر بانتمائي إليه أنا وباقي الأمهات والأخوات والأبناء والبنات أناشدكم وأقول لكم حرام حرام حرامٌ عليكم نحن أولادنا قُتلوا من قِبل قوات الزنادقة الجزائرية. وبناتنا اغتصبنَ من قبلهم أيضا، فأين أنت أيها الشعب الجزائريُ أيها الشعب الأبي العربي الذى تعتزُ بعروبتك أنني أناشد كل أم وكل أب وأخ وأخت أن يستيقظ ويؤازر الشعب الليبي.

أنني أم شهيد جزائرية الأصل مقهورة على أبني وأبناء هذا البلد الكريم، الذين سقطوا تلبية لنداء الواجب والحرية، الذين استشهدوا دفاعا عن الوطن ورفضاً للظلم والقهر والاستبداد. أستيقظوا انهظوا افعلوا شيئاً لصد هذة المهزلة التي تعززت أمداداتها من عندكم ليُقتل بها أبناءُ هذا الشعب الأعزل،أمٌ تصرخ بأعلى صوتها صرخة ألم و نجدة موجهة إلى الشعب الجزائري وتقول لكم ياأخوتي الجزائريين تذكروا عندما كنتم فى محنة أيام الحرب من وقف معكم؟ من ساندكم؟ نحن ساندناكم نحن آزرناكم و اليوم جاء دوركم لإنقاذِ أولاد يموتون و بنات يغتصبن ، نناشدكم مراراً ومراراً.

أن تهبوا ياشعب الجزائر الأبي وكونوا معنا لوقف هذا الدم نحن اخوة العروبة أخوة الإسلام نناشد كل العرب لوقف هدر دماء أبنائنا و هتك أعراض بناتنا كفى كفى ........ و يبقى صوت الحرية صارخاً صامداً دائماً وأبداً ضد العدوان

Phones Comparison

Before..
On a Samsung Corby

1. There's no auto correct, I had to use the T button thingy that would give me options which weren't related to what I was going to say in any way possible.
2. The twitter's app I used to have had little options and only displayed a maximum amount of 6-8 tweets per page. Ignoring the huge font size, that is.
3. Thanks to #2, I had to log on Twitter from Mobile Web which was a serious pain on my rather weak eyes.
4. To Twitpic, I had to log on Twitpic.com, upload a picture, press on the link to redirect me to it then post a comment so that it's shared on Twitter.
5. To reply on a tweet, there's a reply button which, again, directs you to another page with the tweep's handle (thankfully!) But when replying to a tweet with multiple handles, I had to type them on my own. Which obviously required learning the exact handles with every number or underscore.
6. No quote retweet option.
7. No copy option.
8. No e-mail checking configuration thingy. Okay there was but I just couldn't put all the info in the mailing wizard that required a lot of connection type kind of crap.
9. No YouTube. Again, there was but you'd have to wait for ages in order for that '4%' buffering signal to change so I simply didn't bother.
10. Blogger would take forever to load and if it did, you simply can't type in the box beneath the New Post button.
11. No apps or games or any fun material (you'd have to log on the Samsung site but you'd need a code or some complicated stuff)

There are a lot of points to add but these got on my nerves the most. Fortunately, I have an iPhone4 now and wouldn't have to worry about any of the above!

Nine Facts

(1) Whenever I take the first initiative into making change, no matter how small this might be, I feel good about myself and I wouldn't let anyone make me feel otherwise.

(2) I'm afraid of animals, kittens included. It's not that I think they'll pounce on me or something but the thought of having a physical contact between them simply terrifies me. That's one of my most complicated phobias that I haven't gotten over yet.

(3) I've done some silly things back in my first teenage years that I don't necessarily regret but makes me think twice of how my mentality changed (wait for the most embarrassing post) .

(4) I don't understand too sensitive people. Like my sister for instance who would prefer to live under a rock, not knowing what's happening currently in the Arab world just so it wouldn't affect her emotionally. On second thoughts, I think she's just being selfish.

(5) Sometimes...or often, I think that a lot of us live to impress. We buy this or that because it's cool, wear this style or that to follow the trend and the list is endless.

(6) My older sister and I fight a lot. Our mentalities are so different and our ideas are always contradicting. Only rarely do we agree on something. Nonetheless, we get along pretty okay. Our fights will only last for 5 minutes, then after 15 minutes or so, it's either I bring up a topic to discuss it or she does it.

(7) Two topics that would trigger me to talk on impulse: Religion & family. You can diss everything related to me except these two because they define me more than anything else.

(8) I'm only writing this because I couldn't find the analysis of two poems I've been looking for.

(9) I liked the image up there since my eyes look exactly like that after hours of studying.

Sohar Protest #2

After Friday prayers, there's said to be a peaceful march of about 50 people in Sohar protesting for those who were arrested on Tuesday. Things then got serious when approximately 400 people gathered around, throwing stones resulting into clashes between them and the army who were guarding the place. Rubber bullets were fired, causing injuries and reportedly one death just confirmed by ROP. [Source: @Mohana1]

A video taken by @BaderHinai after the clashes:

Other sources: In English: Gulf News and Arabic: Jidar.

3 Things I'm Grateful For

There are a lot of things I'm extremely grateful to have in my life but career wise, here's the ultimate 3;

Getting Published: I never thought, not in a million years, that I’d actually see my name in print. Sure there’s the dream of publishing my own novel after being discovered in a so-hollywoodish kind of way but to have my own column is something I’ve never foreseen before.

Winning Cubscribe: I know I was supposed to be optimistic about the whole thing but I wasn't. The topic we choose was alright though the approach we took could have been different. Nevertheless, my team and I won the The Week's challenge for Best Design and Overall Winner.

Writing and finishing stories: The only story I've ever written and finished was Perspective just because it was a school project. When I started writing after that, I've scribbled plots here and there and a couple of stories but it is when I posted them on here that I had the courage and the drive to work on them further. It has a lot to do with my readers' comments that I saw my potentials in the true sense of the word. So a huge THANK YOU to all of you out there who stood with me since the first days of my noob-ish attempts.

سوفَ نـبـقـى هُـنا

سوفَ نـبـقـى هُـنا, Mohammed Nabbous' favourite song dedicated to every Libyan and whoever out there believes freedom will come at last.

سوف نبقى هنا كي يزول الألم
سوف نحيا هنا سوف يحلو النغم 

رغم كيد العدا رغم كل النقم
سوف نسعى إلى أن تعم النعم
سوف نرنو إلى رفع كل الهمم
بالمسير للعلا ومناجاة القمم

In Mohammed Nabbous' Memory

Mohammed Nabbous or ''Mo'' is the founder of Libya AlHurra TV; a private station that provided the world with news and on-ground footages from Benghazi, Libya. On 19 of March, he was shot in the head by a sniper by pro-Gaddafi troops. Ever since the beginning of the revolution, Mohammed's been wandering the dangerous streets of Benghazi, shooting videos and pictures of the regime's crimes that haven't been aired to let the world know what's going on without censorship. He founded the channel on livestream and people have started following his videos since Feb 17th.

I haven't known him personally, but his sister, a teacher of mine is so proud of him and for what he's done. A real hero, 28 years of age, lost his life and left his wife behind him and a yet-to-be-born son. Mohammed's famous statement is this  "I am not afraid to die, I am afraid to lose the battle." And inshAllah, his son would come into this world and get to live in a free country, a free Libya. 

الله يرحمه  ويغمد روحه في الجنة إن شاءالله

Is It Too Much To Ask For?

Millions and hundreds are being killed each passing day in Libya.. It's saddening to hear the toll of the deceased being spoken about as if they're counting any ordinary numbers.. What's yet more devastating is the fact that we're hopeless, we can't see anything happening in order to stop all these killings of innocent lives. As if it became the norm to hear/watch people being shot down, murdered without feeling a pang of pity... Can't imagine how the Libyans are living right now with planes flying over them, dropping bombs and killing whoever comes in the way. We'd say it's none of our business, but how's that so? Aren't they Arabs? Muslims? More importantly, human beings? 

Can we live in peace again? Is it so much to ask for under all that's going on? Would I be selfish to wish that all of this stops right now, at this very second? Just last night, my Libyan teacher's brother was killed in his own house..just because he's a reporter, for getting the truth out there. Does he deserve to die for telling the world what's taking part in his country? When did taking one's life for doing his job become ordinary? May all of their souls rest in peace.

A question to think about; Can't we do anything at all to stop this madness?

It's The Small Things...

As you’re heading out the door a total stranger opens it for you, the smile you see on the face of an elderly woman when she’s leaning on her son for support, the cute and warm laughter of a baby… I know I would not stop here for these little gestures that lighten up our entire day deserve a list of its own but here is me trying:

[Photo Credit]

Whenever you go, make sure to carry a valuable thing with you, it’s not a pen nor a bag but a facial expression and what is more beautiful than a smile? Yes, this smile of yours at the first of the morning can encourage others to be positive, to follow the same path in order to have what you seem to spread around contagiously: energy and happiness.

‘Sorry’ is a one-letter word that can be easily said but when meant can have an even larger impact. Always be careful to say it at the right time and in the right places for it may change your relationship with someone or destroy it.

‘Thank you’ is a rather two-word phrase but can be used almost everywhere. Be thankful to what you have, to others, to your family, your peaceful life and just about everything in between.

Avoid any aggressive situations that can make you go angry in a blink of an eye, don’t let simple things like forgetting where your key chain is change the whole atmosphere for you.

Take time-outs, because who doesn’t need them? Reward yourself knowing that you deserve it. Go out, enjoy. Life, as they say, is too short. You have a remote control that doesn’t has a pause button so without thinking of its existence, just hit the forward button and have a blast.