Beginning of an End

What can I say about June? It's the month that I sat for my final exams at school, the month that set the beginning of a new life and the end of an old one. It was a hectic month, one that took everything away from me, my life, and freedom yet gave them back to me at the right time. There are times when I just couldn't take it anymore, I felt so vulnerable and weak but going down that road is never easy. I decided to reflect upon the good things I have left, the great people I have in my life who wouldn't give up on me so why would I? In order to get through things you wouldn't dream of surviving, have a big amount of faith that you can. That you'll get the strength you need from prayers and a keen heart that knows Allah will always be there for his 3ibad.

Thankfully, what I perceived as the darkest point in my life was merely a glitch in the way, a stopping point to realize good things must come to an end, you might as well enjoy them while they last. You will live a certain period being in denial, afraid of what you know will happen, there's nothing wrong with that, I should know. Live as ignorant as you want to be, have high expectations, hopes and dreams and build a fairytale and decorate it with whatever lies you want, it'll eventually collapse and you'll be crushed. Don't worry, you'll get over it. Even though it seems like it's the end, that you're never going to get out of the mess you helped create with your wishful thinking, time heals everything. You won't forget or forgive, but here's this promise: You will move on.

This last year of school wouldn't have been great without my friends, we went through so much together as we've been friends for 9 years.. It's a very long time, during this time we've grown so used to each other that it would feel different having to make new friends, but like all things, we learn and things will be easier el7amdellah. Results came out on Friday and I couldn't be happier, I broke the circle I intended to break. I just hope the bigger reward is getting a scholarship in the upcoming days inshAllah. Allah kareem.

One last thing: You make your own choices. Sure, there's fate that controls everything in our life, but you have the choice of changing certain things. Like choosing to move on, not to suffer, whatever it may be, you always have a choice (except when people make the decision for you, even then, you can choose to accept and walk away) What would life be without failing, without getting to know the truth about people, without disappointments and heartache after all?


Shahoodeh said...

Mabrook 3alaich eta5aroj love w 38bal ma u graduate from uni w with bachelor's and post graduate degrees.

Mashallah ur approaching ur new beginning with a lot more self reflection than I did when I graduated school lol. You sound more like I did when I graduated uni. I felt a lot of the same things ur describing now.

Allah ywafgch love

Maryam said...

Thank you for stopping by :)