How I know you are not here

Your seat is empty.

That is how I know you are not here anymore.

I come home, to you, every time. Only this time was I greeted by whimpering cries, by pleas that would never be answered. They embrace me so tight, they tell me you are gone, they remind me that I was not there. I was not there when you needed me. The realisation hits me like a bang, the way you shut a door close that even the faintest thud would shake you to your core. You said your goodbyes, you asked me to take care of myself and I just would not listen. I did not say mine. My sister tells me of how you thought they deprived you of me when I left to study, that you were worried about me being away and alone. I remember the poetic lines you used to recite to me, and how you would ask me about them days after and I would not remember. But I can clearly remember the way you wrote specific lines in your handwriting and gave me small pieces of paper to hold on to. I wish I was smart enough to keep them.. I miss you.

I cannot bring you back

The world dissolves within itself, dragging you alongside it. You have your fists clutched so tight your nails dig hard in your palms, your teeth clenched and eyes fixated on the things you cannot begin to understand.

I remember reading the line over and over again, feeling smaller every time I read it. I began to fade, my voice first, then all of me. I started to see you before me, your gentle eyes piercing my soul, your voice calm and collected as you kiss me goodbye. I remember the times you told me stories, I remember my eagerness to get till the end and you keeping the best for last. You were patient with me, you were always there.

I cannot look at you now, I cannot hear the sound of your voice or have you look at me one more time. I cannot bring you back. I cannot tell you how much you meant to me, how you meant the world to everyone. How your presence made us all stronger..

 May you rest in peace.