It’s a circle, it always is.

A sentence that I tweeted last night which could be interpreted in so many ways. The hardest thing of all is breaking this circle, you just can’t seem to do it. Once you start going round, you’ll come round too. There’s no stopping, no point where you can go back. It's hard, it'll have to be. Guess things don't always have an ending.. Circles don't. Habits don't, like many things that don't have an end, you're left to go on and on with them till you... break. The circle won't. It never would.

I wasn't determined before, my hopes were crushed by mere words, by the realisation that I'm not qualified to be 'there', wherever it is that I wanted to reach. I didn't believe I could do it, maybe I was afraid of what I'll have to do in this process, maybe it was laziness. Or fear, as I mentioned. I still like to believe that I have a hint of that old self, I'm still afraid to begin, to take more than two steps at a time. Time. It's funny because I can't have my sweet time now, it's either I do it now or never. Choose or lose kind of thing.

Yet.. I want to believe. God, I want it more than anything. At this point, it's a must. I can't be vulnerable in this situation, I just can't. I have to be tough, I have to work at being different this time round.

I'll be that circle breaker.

Note this.


El's veiw said...

Wow. Strong post. Love it.

Thanawiyya 3ama related? :p

Kitten said...

^ Something like that.

Sarah Mostafa Dorra said...

1. I like the style... a lot!
2. I hate the on-going circle, as well. That's exactly how I felt when I started to work (even though it was something I loved to do - a bookseller). I didn't have the time to do anything, anything in my life. I would keep thinking what I would be telling God when He asks me what I did in my life. Nothing.

So, like you say, the solution lies in the 'circle breaker' or in time management.

Cocktail Party said...

Life is so funny at times but the secret lies in taking control of things:)

Anonymous said...

This comment came into my time of need ;)

Circle Breaker .. yeah.
I will break the circle *soon*