Of Now

I am writing this because I got tired.
3:45 AM

I hug her and because her eyes started to water, I don’t cry. Goodbye, I say, tell them I'm gonna miss them.

I am happy. How could I not be when everything I ever dreamed of is coming to life? This is it, I think. I am really doing it.

And then I leave.

I leave and everything I ever held for granted flies away as I am soaring in the clouds.

2:23 PM

It is cold. I drag what links me back, I walk fast and get in. Things start to move and I make it a point to take in every new sight this time and now.

15 Minutes Later…

I am here. And I sign all those papers and pay for my stay and get in my room.

NOW…

Just like that, I am here. I moved to Glasgow on the 17th of October 2012.  It has not been easy. When you make a choice as big as this, they do not tell you anything. They do not tell you that you are going to miss home so much that you feel empty inside. They do not tell you that on certain days you are going to feel so lonely that you would crave hearing the voice of someone, so you call your parents. You call your siblings. You call anyone who is willing to listen and talk to you, because you are tired of not talking. They do not tell you that there will be days where you question yourself, where you start doubting and stop believing in yourself because things do get tough around here. They do not tell you that you have to fight back if you are right, and even if you were not, you would still have to fight. They do not tell you that all this requires serious amount of effort and confidence and strength. They do not tell you all this, and you do not tell yourself other than the things that will make you want this so bad until you get here. You would think it is all about being independent, about having fun and going out whenever you want, no restrictions. No, you would not think about how much you will miss being told what to do, being taken care of, just being without actually worrying. You will not know what worry is. You have never been worried. You will not know that the moment your head touches the pillow, millions of thoughts start racing. They are not silly thoughts, no, they are the ones that are going to make your day tomorrow or ruin it. You have to plan ahead, you will have to know and do things you have never done before. Most importantly, they do not tell you that you will learn all this on your own.


Thus, you continue learning.

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